Some days...some years even...we find ourselves dealing with poisonous people. They are the ones who not only don't understand our make-up, but seem to take perverse pleasure in cutting us down to size. I'm not talking about the occasional encounter with rudeness, or even unpleasant people we see semi-regularly, but those whose input we can't avoid. It may be a boss or a teacher, a spouse or sibling; someone we can't just walk away from because of the nature of the relationship.
This tends to be a theme in our lives, especially if someone has a place of authority over you. But there's no reason to let it keep you down. Sometimes you can make a change, but if you can't, it's time to start using coping mechanisms, or learning to adapt. "Why should I have to adapt? They're the problem." I hear ya. But the fact is, they're idiots, as incapable of bending as we are of organizing. The unfortunate difference is, we have occasional hyper-focus and they have a never-ending supply of ugliness, so unless you want the problem to continue, you're going to have to be creative.
I've found great hope in scripture, especially when I read about how the devil is stalking me and wants me dead, but God is protecting me. In this scenario, God plays Himself and sends warrior angels to fight for me, and said poisonous person is the devil incarnate. Only then I realize they aren't that bad, they just seem to have accepted a current position on the advisory board of the evil one. Either way, in the end, God's warrior angels always win, and evil person either bends or is destroyed.
Unfortunately I haven't gotten very far in practical ways of dealing with poisonous people, but this has me smiling for now, and that's way better than worrying about what tomorrow holds. So jump in and throw me some answers-what kind of coping mechanisms have you found in dealing with unavoidable hellish wrath?
Monday, March 22, 2010
Thursday, March 18, 2010
The Boat and the Anchor
A hulking ship is anchored in the harbor. Soon the crew will board and they will launch into the sea. It's what the ship was made to do. Right now though, the anchor holds it safely in place where everything is in order and the water is calm.
But what if the anchor, so set in its way, decides that this is how it should always be? What if the anchor becomes so self-important that it refuses to be drawn in so that the ship can do its job? What if the anchor's way becomes the standard, and it criticizes or mocks the ship for such silliness?
If you don't have ADD, you may want to accuse me of over-simplifying what we have come to know as our reality. If you have ADD you would nod your head knowingly, appreciating the illustration. This is what we face every day in our careers, in school and at home.
It becomes apparent to us early on that we aren't like other people. We were created different. I'm not sure at what point the "anchors" became the standard and the "ships" became lazy, disorganized or irresponsible. The truth is, we were never meant to perform in an anchor world. A ship doesn't know what to do in the harbor except sit. Float. Bob around a little. Someone with ADD feels a little...no, a lot...like a rugged ship ready for adventure, but with no room to move, and after a bit we resent the anchors.
It can't be easy being an anchor, coming aboard and hanging on for dear life while the ship crashes against waves bigger than itself. We see you there digging your nails into the dash board as we use all three lanes to exit the highway, or jump from one project to another with reckless abandon. But without our drive, passion, and fearless resolve, who would discover other lands? Who would have believed you could get people to buy a cup of coffee, milk and air for $4? Who would protect you in danger and help you in emergencies?
We need you. Without you we may sail off the edge of the earth (you thinking it's flat and all). But without us, you would sit just quietly in the harbor, happy with order and safety, in fear of new worlds and new adventures.
Maybe we could just work together?
But what if the anchor, so set in its way, decides that this is how it should always be? What if the anchor becomes so self-important that it refuses to be drawn in so that the ship can do its job? What if the anchor's way becomes the standard, and it criticizes or mocks the ship for such silliness?
If you don't have ADD, you may want to accuse me of over-simplifying what we have come to know as our reality. If you have ADD you would nod your head knowingly, appreciating the illustration. This is what we face every day in our careers, in school and at home.
It becomes apparent to us early on that we aren't like other people. We were created different. I'm not sure at what point the "anchors" became the standard and the "ships" became lazy, disorganized or irresponsible. The truth is, we were never meant to perform in an anchor world. A ship doesn't know what to do in the harbor except sit. Float. Bob around a little. Someone with ADD feels a little...no, a lot...like a rugged ship ready for adventure, but with no room to move, and after a bit we resent the anchors.
It can't be easy being an anchor, coming aboard and hanging on for dear life while the ship crashes against waves bigger than itself. We see you there digging your nails into the dash board as we use all three lanes to exit the highway, or jump from one project to another with reckless abandon. But without our drive, passion, and fearless resolve, who would discover other lands? Who would have believed you could get people to buy a cup of coffee, milk and air for $4? Who would protect you in danger and help you in emergencies?
We need you. Without you we may sail off the edge of the earth (you thinking it's flat and all). But without us, you would sit just quietly in the harbor, happy with order and safety, in fear of new worlds and new adventures.
Maybe we could just work together?
Tuesday, March 9, 2010
And so it begins...
The maiden entry. I have really good intentions for posting regularly, but I know that unless there's a lot of activity, this will be just another project I started and never finished. And today, I'm willing to accept that and be ok with it and blog my happy tail off!
And welcome to you! So glad you found me! As I learn more about technology I will add more features and make this page prettier. My favorite color is green, and my style is somewhere between hippie-chic and biker cool, so who knows what this will end up looking like? Because sometimes I like the northwoods look, too, so. Get used to the wandering, as digression will be a regular feature in my writing.
I won't bore you with details, but as a way of introduction I was diagnosed as an adult several years ago, and have spent a lot of time researching the "disorder" and learning about myself and what I can and can't do. I am currently in the active process of proving why people like me should not choose certain jobs! I have an idea to do a post on ADD friendly jobs, and will do features on the destructive people in our lives-those in authority over us who criticize, blame and discourage us, and how to get out from under them when possible, and how to educate them.
Here's a happy fact: our "disorder" is only named a disorder because it is a handicap in certain situations. When you find your place in this world, you will find that you actually have super-powers. There are things that you can do that "normal" people cannot. In fact, all they can do is watch us breathlessly in amazement as we "do our thing". When we hyperfocus (aka, are "in the zone") we are capable of taking on gigantic projects and completing them with as much energy as when we started, as if we could go on and on. Not that we always finish, but we do in a strait 24 hours what "normal" people might work on for weeks. It's cause we're awesome. Unfortunately we can't bottle hyperfocus or step into the zone at will. At least, I don't think we can, but I'm going to be trying!
Anyway, welcome to Our Disorderly Life, and I hope that you will have a good time and enjoy the humorous side of our reality, and that together we find solutions to the negative aspects...or at least take the sting out!
And welcome to you! So glad you found me! As I learn more about technology I will add more features and make this page prettier. My favorite color is green, and my style is somewhere between hippie-chic and biker cool, so who knows what this will end up looking like? Because sometimes I like the northwoods look, too, so. Get used to the wandering, as digression will be a regular feature in my writing.
I won't bore you with details, but as a way of introduction I was diagnosed as an adult several years ago, and have spent a lot of time researching the "disorder" and learning about myself and what I can and can't do. I am currently in the active process of proving why people like me should not choose certain jobs! I have an idea to do a post on ADD friendly jobs, and will do features on the destructive people in our lives-those in authority over us who criticize, blame and discourage us, and how to get out from under them when possible, and how to educate them.
Here's a happy fact: our "disorder" is only named a disorder because it is a handicap in certain situations. When you find your place in this world, you will find that you actually have super-powers. There are things that you can do that "normal" people cannot. In fact, all they can do is watch us breathlessly in amazement as we "do our thing". When we hyperfocus (aka, are "in the zone") we are capable of taking on gigantic projects and completing them with as much energy as when we started, as if we could go on and on. Not that we always finish, but we do in a strait 24 hours what "normal" people might work on for weeks. It's cause we're awesome. Unfortunately we can't bottle hyperfocus or step into the zone at will. At least, I don't think we can, but I'm going to be trying!
Anyway, welcome to Our Disorderly Life, and I hope that you will have a good time and enjoy the humorous side of our reality, and that together we find solutions to the negative aspects...or at least take the sting out!
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